


A Real Girl

by Shintori_Khazumi



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: And joy, Eventual Fluff, F/F, I don't want to spoil thru tags, Sayo hating on herself again, complicated family, kinda scifi?, mechanical? au, other tags and characters to be added later, pairing not yet set, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:55:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27993348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shintori_Khazumi/pseuds/Shintori_Khazumi
Summary: Sayo is a complicated lass. She doesn't understand complex things like emotions and her own existence. Even if she's gotten better at being a sister to Hina, there are times that she struggles around the girl due to the truth she and her parents have been keeping from the youngest Hikawa.To add to that situation, she's suddenly been feeling a tad different around certain bandmates lately. She can't seem to process that either.Is this normal? Are feelings normal? What are feelings? Maybe they were normal things.Maybe it was just Sayo who wasn't.
Relationships: Hikawa Hina & Hikawa Sayo, Hikawa Sayo/Imai Lisa, Hikawa Sayo/Imai Lisa/Minato Yukina, Hikawa Sayo/Minato Yukina
Comments: 26
Kudos: 59





	1. Feelings 1.0

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Bandori fandom fanfic Debut! I honestly couldn’t decide between a SayoLisa and SayoYuki. Maybe It could end up platonic, idk. Maybe it could be SayoYukiLisa. For sure there will be platonic SayoHina.
> 
> This will most likely only be a 2-4 part story. It depends on the flow I create, tbh. Haha. I don’t want to make a super long one since I’m bad at committing to long-term stories as I’m currently trying to complete my 12 chap LWA fic that has just been picked up again after 3 years. So, to avoid disappointment, I’ll have to limit myself.
> 
> The start might be awkward as I have my reasons for like… writing this way. Ahhh… it’s so hard to do this concept idea I have without spoiling. So, let’s just get right to it.
> 
> Enjoy?
> 
> ~Shintori Khazumi

What did feelings _feel_ like? That was probably the stupidest question she’d asked herself in her life… maybe second only to asking what it would be like if dogs could be voted as the next US President. Maybe then, the news about people complaining and rioting in that strange country in the west would die down.

Oh- but back to her point. Her focus had drifted away from her initial thoughts. That wasn’t a good thing.

Anyway.

What was it like… to have feelings; genuine feelings- _real_ feelings. Was it just like how the books had told her? Warm? Fluffy? She knew how both felt against her cold hands when she’d pet Shirasagi Chisato’s dog. She also felt warmth when Hina would sometimes sneak into her bed in the middle of the night, now that they’d made up, and hug her ‘til morning. Fluffy were the pillows they’d gotten together to match, commemorating a milestone in Hina’s career. She felt it would make her sister happy if they did more “sister-like” things from time-to-time. She was awkward as heck and shy when it came to these sorts of things, but… she tried.

Warm was the inside of Hazawa-san’s café, fluffy was the cotton candy Ako had gotten her to try recently in secret when they were surprisingly the earliest for Roselia’s gig at a festival. Warm was the coffee she and Minato-san drank as they worked late one night through a song arrangement that had been commissioned by a fan who was terminally ill, and they decided to rush it and turn it into a gift, charging not a penny for a private concert. Fluffy were the clouds that passed by that fateful day before they turned grey, crying along with Shirokane-san and Imai-san as they stood by the same fan’s fresh grave.

…

Warm was… Minato Yukina’s body close to hers that one concert, slender arm draped around her shoulder while she played guitar will all her passion the way she usually would. Fluffy was… Imai Lisa’s curls tickling her nose as Roselia’s mother-like figure fell asleep on her shoulder on the bus on their way home from an impromptu performance at their local park for the children who suddenly came to ask what the silly-looking tennis rackets did.

Hmm.

Strange.

She now felt a bit warmer; her body was at a temperature she knew to not be her normal. Her body’s system was sending her signals that something was amiss. Where was her coolant-

“Onee-chan?” A head of teal peeked out from a small crack in her door frame.

Pausing her thoughts, she lifted her eyes to meet identically colored ones. “Yes, Hina?” She watched as her younger twin shuffled into her room before plopping down at the end of her bed.

“Are you busy?” The girl was usually this ball of relentless positivity, barging into her room, creating a mess of her well-programmed composure all the time. She used to abhor such situations, but lately she’d found she hardly minded. Her behavior as of the moment, however, seemed rather docile, and now it was a mystery to the owner of the room.

“Why do you ask?” She gently plucked on one of the strings of the guitar that had been situated on her lap, untouched since her thoughts had wandered. She looked to Hina with a flash of concern on her face- or well, she hoped she was portraying that emotion properly. She was really bad at correctly expressing her supposed thoughts and emotions through her facial muscles. She needed to do some fine-tuning on that. “Is something the matter?” She reached out to hold Hina’s hand carefully, the girl staring at it before shaking her head no.

“Nah, it’s nothing to worry about.” She offered a cheery smile, much like her usual now. “Mom and dad are just downstairs for their usual visit. I thought you might not want to be disturbed if you were practicing, but it seems you were busy with something else. Should I tell them for you?”

Shaking her head, she thanked her sister quietly, releasing her hand. Getting up and placing her guitar on its usual stand, the older girl offered a reassuring smile. “I’ll go meet them. I think it’s just the usual talk. You know how it goes.”

Hina nodded in understanding.

Ever since she could remember, her parents and sister always had these private “talks” every half-a-year. She was never allowed to listen in on it, and her older sibling had assumed she knew nothing of it. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t. She never questioned the older members of her family, though. It was probably something they were doing to protect her, and she understood that. Still. Sometimes, she wished they’d entrust that secret to her someday, as well.

“Thank you as usual, Hina.” Another thanks was spoken to her before the door shut to the room, leaving Hikawa Hina to her personal musings.

“You’re always welcome… Onee-chan.

-//-//-//-//-//-

_“-have you installed the upgrade yet?”_

_“No. I can’t get to the core. She’s overheated for some reason. I wonder if it’s because we missed the last installation. Or maybe something happened to her exhaust system?”_

_“Did you check her processor? What about the latest records?”_

_“I thought we agreed not to do that anymore, since she was allowed to choose for herself.”_

_“I know, but sometimes I worry because she never confides in us anymore. What if she’s being bullied, or something broke and she simply doesn’t realize-“_

Voices.

Familiar voices.

It was rather hazy and dark, but slowly the surroundings were coming to light. Familiar faces. Familiar eyes, noses, gazes.

Ah.

Parents. That’s what- who. That’s who they were.

“Good morning, love.” The woman spoke, soft, warm hands stroking her head carefully.

“Hello, my girl.” A man, holding some tool she currently couldn’t process, greeted.

Right.

“Mother. Father.” She nodded in response.

Her “father” gave her a small worried smile. “Tell me, child. Did something happen? Did you perhaps run out of coolant again? I told you to contact us if there was an emergency with anything.”

His attention seemed to be stolen by something around her arm area, then she saw him lower his head, working on it out of her peripheral vision.

“No.” Her reply was short.

“Is that so? You’ve overheated, my child.”

“Yes. I have.” She acknowledged. “My apologies.”

“No, no, no. That’s- I wasn’t… I’m just wondering if something happened.” The man looked up from what he was doing, giving his full attention to his daughter. When she gave him a small smile, he sighed in relief, moving around to her midsection to continue working on something.

As he was occupied with that, she decided to answer to their curiosity.

“I… might have been thinking.” Two pairs of eyebrows were raised, awaiting her continuation. “Too much.”

A chuckle and a giggle.

“Of course you were thinking.” Her mother laughed. “You seemed to have loved it ever since your independence was installe-“ Her expression transformed into one of panic. “I- I’m sorry, that wasn’t-“

“It’s alright mother.” Once more, as per usual, her face and voice were devoid of any sort of emotion. “I understand. I know.”

The woman looked like she could cry. It made her feel just a tad bit bad.

“Okay! I’m done. You’re all ready.” She was grateful that her father had broken the tense atmosphere with the completion of her procedure. He helped her sit up on the bed, giving her a final check all over before going to his computer to type something down.

“Thank you again, father, mother.” She regarded them both with a nod. She raised her arm, looking at it, flexing the muscles, opening and closing her hand. She felt a smile form on her face.

“So? How does it feel?”

_Feel, huh._

“Much better, thank you. I was having some trouble with my finger and wrist joints and it was burdening my playing, and the rest of Roselia. I am truly grateful for the assistance, father.”

Her words of thanksgiving didn’t seem to please the man. If anything, he looked to be in some form of discomfort. Both her parents were.

“Is something that matter?”

“N-no. Nothing’s wrong… Nothing at all. You may go now.” Her father returned to her mother’s side, placing a hand of comfort on her shoulder.

“Okay then.”

“Oh, and call Hina downstairs. We should have some dinner together before the two of us leave. Your mother offered to cook!” He said with a grin that was an attempt to hide the previous less-happy emotions.

“Understood.”

Turning her back on them, she walked towards the door. Just as she was about to turn the knob, four simple words stopped her, pulling her thought process into a screeching halt.

“ _We love you… Sayo_.”

Her hand hovered the metal that may have been just as cold as her hand. She felt her mind go blank for a few seconds before hearing a beep go inside her head and information flow, telling her what had just occurred,

She nodded, back still to the two people in the room.

“…Thank you. I love you both too.”

And she sometimes wondered what the latter phrase felt like.

There were many things that confused her. There were just too many emotions she could name, and yet could not feel, let alone understand.

Or could she actually feel them and she simply didn’t know or comprehend it as it happened?

Who knows?

Maybe the update could help her register these feelings better.

But as of the moment, she knew she simply just… couldn’t.

After all, her name was Hikawa Sayo.

_And she wasn’t a real girl._


	2. Feelings 2.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayo just couldn’t seem to handle feelings. It was a system overload. Something she couldn’t hope to control. And control was what she understood she needed; control over this life of hers. If she could not contain the wild horses that were feelings, she could not live her life to its realest, most authentic capacity. That was what she believed. And she believed that Sayo Hikawa was incapable of having feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just like my other story in another fandom, I’m composing this update while in the hospital, watching over my dad. There isn’t any internet so I guess I can focus quite a bit haha. I feel like the pacing of this chapter is off, or awkward somehow? I should’ve extended the first chapter more. Welp, too late for that. I guess I’m trying to expand the background information on how this universe works? It’s quite close to canon-verse where Sayo used to not really get along with everyone, and slowly improving lately, but tailored to the Sayo of this story???
> 
> Enjoy?
> 
> ~Shintori Khazumi

**A Real Girl Chapter 2: Feelings 2.0**

Sayo did not like having feelings.

It wasn’t that she hated all the mushy drama that came alongside it. It wasn’t that she particularly disliked the anxiety of having negative- and even positive- feelings. No, it wasn’t that at all.

She simply didn’t fancy the complications it brought to her practical lifestyle. She had yet to fathom such things, and more often than not, her system could not process the actions and reactions brought about by emotions. Moments when she did try only ended up in the usual overheating, and sometimes confusion and jumble of information running through her head, always rendering her unable to organize the sensory data she was receiving from her body.

She just couldn’t seem to handle all that. It was a system overload. Something she couldn’t hope to control. And control was what she understood she needed; control over this life of hers. If she could not contain the wild horses that were feelings, she could not live her life to its realest, most authentic capacity. That was what she believed. And she believed that Sayo Hikawa was incapable of having feelings.

-//-//-//-//-

The dinner that followed her regular meeting with her parents had been… _fine_ , Sayo supposed. It wasn’t all that awkward. To her it wasn’t, at the very least. She tried to scan her other family members for any signs indicative of discomfort, and upon finding nothing unusual, she had released a small sigh of relief that did not go past her surprisingly perceptive sister.

Hina then asked her if anything was wrong, to which she would reply her usual assurances; that she was fine and there was nothing to worry about, offering a calm smile before proceeding to eat her food to hopefully signal to the younger twin that this particular conversation was over.

Hina understood and seemed willing to relent, dropping any plans of further interrogation. She instead turned to her parents, continuing one of her many ridiculous tales. This one happened to be of how she may or may not have tried to convince the school principal to go bungee jumping with her off the school’s highest building, which was probably what had been the cause of this week’s call to the office for her parents.

Sayo felt her facial muscles work to form a small smile outside her manual prompting. Something deep down inside told her it was because she was amused with her younger sister’s antics. Quite an uncommon occurrence as Hina’s antics were usually nothing short of headache-inducing.

“Feeling quite cheery, aren’t we Sayo?” Her father piped up, noticing the smile on his eldest daughter’s face. Albeit miniscule to some, to her family and friends, it was a clear indicator that Sayo was in a pleasant mood, and that made them happy as well.

For some reason, having her whole family’s attention on her made her feel warm. Warmer than “normal”. Oh, this was troublesome. Sayo had been having these heat flushes far too often lately, it truly was messing with her system.

“N-no? I… or, yes, I… I suppose I am not in a foul mood, Father.” She responded, rigid as ever, but with a stutter she inwardly cursed at. Was she experiencing lag?

Despite her words, her family had gotten used to her responses and translated it as a positive ‘yes’. That was good enough in their books.

The rest of dinner remained clear of any suspense, and each Hikawa was grateful for that.

Hina had volunteered to tidy up the kitchen afterwards as their parents were preparing to take their leave, so Sayo was left with the task of seeing the pair off by the door.

…

There were a few moments of tense silence as Sayo watched her parents. Her father avoided her gaze by leaning down to tie his shoelaces, the action taking a little too long compared to the average time; while her mother was the complete opposite, staring a little _too_ intently back at her. She didn’t know what to make of this situation. Her sensors picked up body language cues that translated to them having something they still wanted to say before leaving, but the longer they took to make even a squeak, the more Sayo wondered if they were all just burning away the precious seconds that could have been spent on safe travel for her parents, and dedicated guitar practice for Sayo. She would have preferred spending her time wisely, even if it _was_ a Saturday night. She had band practice tomorrow, after all.

“Sayo-“ Her father had finally began, reaching a hand up above the said girl’s head. Sayo felt her heartrate pick up, eyes glued to the motion, waiting, before her father retracted it back to his side. The action brought about a physical weight increase in Sayo’s chest area, and she almost asked her father about it; but the question died before even leaving her mouth, a different hand catching her off-guard.

Her mother had cupped her cold cheek with her warm hand, eyes glistening somewhat, searching for something Sayo could not figure out.

“Mother?”

A beat of silence.

“ _We really do love you._ ” The older woman whispered, still looking into Sayo’s eyes, still searching, not knowing if she’d find what she sought. “ _We really do.”_

Sayo had no idea how to respond to the sudden affection, and simply nodded her head silently. What she did know was that what had previously weighed in her chest seemed lighter, though not completely gone-

That familiar large, calloused hand that belonged to her father- it now lay on her head, patting a few times before his thumb stroked the top of her head, then swept across her forehead, moving her fringe aside for a moment to clearly display her surprised face. The weight had completely dissipated, and Sayo would admit that she was slightly in awe, and curious as to if this was part of whatever update had taken place, and if her parents had a new manual for her to read so that she could better understand and control all these odd mishaps with her body as of late. They hadn’t really made those in recent developments, only verbally instructing and vaguely explaining to Sayo functions she could and could not perform.

Her musings were cut short by the words she was still getting used to.

“We love you and…” The man she labelled as her father started, “ _We’re sorry we’re late_ ”. She felt her brows furrow, a wrinkle forming between her eyes.

“What do you-“ Before Sayo could even ask what those words had meant, Hina’s familiar singsong voice had interrupted the exchange.

“Huh? Why are you guys still here?” Seeing as she was now here, Sayo inferred that the Kitchen and dining room had been cleaned up, and that they had lingered by the doorway for far longer than she thought.

The ribboned girl looked between her parents and sister, confused at the atmosphere shrouding them.

“S-sorry, sweetheart. Just had a lot of things to remind your sister.” Mr. Hikawa smiled, moving forward to wrap his younger daughter in a hug. “You know, reminding her to take care of you, and not overwork herself.”

“Oh yeah, Onee-chan does that a lot.” Hina agreed, seemingly buying it. “I do try to tell her to have fun and stuff, but she never listens!”

“ _You_ never listen to the voice of common sense, either.” Sayo quipped. “And your idea of fun is fairly life-threatening.” She whispered the last part to herself.

“Anyway! We also had to talk the usual budget for you guys, and just… stuff.” Their father finished the little white lie fabulously.

“Right!” Hina nodded, believing every word… probably.

With a cough from their mother, Hina escaped her father’s hold and gave the eldest woman a gentle, but enthusiastic embrace.

Once over and done with Hina’s affectionate goodbye’s, the Hikawa couple bid their daughters a farewell, leaving hand in hand until their figures escaped Sayo’s line of sight.

Breaking out into a sigh, Sayo locked the door behind her as the twins headed for their respective rooms to retire for the night.

Sayo felt dissatisfaction stir within her. She had so many questions she wanted answered when she found that it was time for her parents’ regular visit, but now that they had left, she had even more than what she started with instead of less as she had planned.

Mumbling her goodnight to her sister, she closed the door to her room with a silent click.

Unlike her usual graceful manner of carefully sitting or laying down on her bed, Sayo had unceremoniously plopped face-first into the soft mattress, once more unknowing of the reasons as to why she performed this action.

Something was off with her lately. Even more-so after these last few updates. She seemed to be dancing to subconscious promptings, acting with less thought and calculation than she usually would- _should_ , according to everything that was initially written in her learning manual.

She had thought her parents would spot these errors without her having to mention it, but somehow it seems things had only gotten worse.

The way the two were acting towards her lately only further supplemented her confusion. All these ‘we love you’s were not something she was used to, at all. She had only begun to get comfortable with Hina’s overbearing affection the past few months, and now her parents were being… odd.

Burrowing her face into a pillow, Sayo found herself thinking back to her past as a child. She had always known that there was a difference between her and Hina. There was a difference between how her parents addressed her, and how they fawned over her younger sister.

She recalled the stiff interactions, the formal instructions, the commands, the rare, but still awkward praises when she accomplished tasks she was supposed to better than expected, and the… times she would look on from afar as her sister received what she later on learned to be “hugs” from their parents.

Something she never had the pleasure of receiving as a small child. At least from them. Hina- bless her soul, Sayo would now say- was the only one willing to ‘teach’ her these things. Other kids at school never bothered to interact with her either. She was too expressionless, too scary, too serious, too-

Too _Unhuman_.

She would’ve laughed had it not been such a hurtfully accurate notion.

In comparison to her experiences, through clear lens, Sayo observed that Hina and their parents communicated with warmth; how the girl was guided with affection and encouragement, and lifted up due to her sheer genius.

In all honesty, Sayo had to admit she envied Hina then, that genius she had. She sometimes pondered the thought of being programmed to perfection, without flaw, weakness, or struggle. Would that have made her a genius too, at least in the eyes of normal men? Would that have earned her praise even if it wouldn’t matter to a freedom-less girl like her? -Was she even a girl at this point?

She might not be.

Still, she envied it quite a bit. Yes, the fact that Hina was a genius was what she was jealous of, nothing more.

She had read on it in an article once; how children could often feel jealous if attention and care were not distributed fairly by parents, leading to feelings of neglect and lack of relational connections. Had Sayo been a normal girl, maybe this would’ve been so; however, she believed that it would not apply to someone like her… someone like her… _something_ like her…?

After all, there… was no reason for her to desire anything like love, adoration, or care, was there? Being able to perform as she was designed to, being able to do what she had to- those were what mattered in this “familial” relationship between her and her parents.

Right?

…

Rolling onto her belly, she stared up at her ceiling, body not up to the usual task of devoted guitar playing for tonight, it seemed.

She sighed.

Blinking once, twice, she noticed and remembered that up on her ceiling were glow-in-the-dark stars that Hina had _insisted_ to put up in Sayo’s room, along with a lone crescent moon that paired with Hina’s sun in her own quarters. For some reason, she couldn’t help but compare that to their own social situations at the moment.

If people were stars, Hina belonged with the stars as the sun was still a star. It might be more prominent and more known to most inhabitants of the earth, just as Hina was someone popular to many, even to strangers; but still, she _was_ one of them. Even if she had to shine alone in the morning sky, people still _knew_ she was- and still grouped her as- one of the stars. She was most definitely a star too.

Sayo, however, could not relate. Hina had told her she was the moon, and even if it tries to shine alongside the stars, it will not- _and never be-_ a star. And in the moon’s moments, where the city lights drown out all the stars, even the moon’s shine is dulled and it is truly alone; and though it is seen on the same stage, in the same night sky, no matter how much it would try to blend in with the crowd… it would never be a star.

 ** _Sayo_** would never be a star.

Another sigh. A toss. A turn.

Again, her line of thinking drifted to the changes she and her family seemed to be going through. Somehow, she found life somewhat easier back when everything had been so professional. It may have seemed like she was neglected and alone, but such negativities could be adapted to, could be grown out of. Sayo could simply get used to it, suck it up like the mature person she was, and move on. Or at least that’s how it was to the outside onlooker. To Sayo, it was just normal for there to be distance. She wasn’t really a part of their family.

She wouldn’t be able to understand it anyway.

So why did everything have to take a turn?

Actually… _When_ did everything suddenly take a turn?

Was it when she had first met Yukina? Was it as Roselia progressed into a proper band? Or was it when they became friends, bound by music, never to be broken apart?

Was it when Lisa stepped up to help her with Hina after Sayo had gone too far with her distancing? The gentle hand on her back, drawing circles as the brunette listened intently to her confusion and woes, and taught her a little bit more about what relationships were? Was it that?

Sayo had no clue.

One day, everything just seemed to morph; her reality was changing. The improvement of her relationship with Hina may have marked the most significant wave of change. Sayo found herself able to decipher her constant home companion bit by bit. She could guess what the girl was up to, she could figure out her moods, and keep up with her whims (she hoped).

Then suddenly, her parents showed up more often than the usual check-ups. They listened intently during Sayo’s parent-teacher conferences, they no longer constantly reminded her of their expectations for her, they would actually send her messages outside the usual appointment updates, or information briefing, or requests. They would tell her how they saw a guitar model that Sayo might like; texted her that if she wanted anything for Christmas, she could tell them.

She would catch her mother’s stare many times, before the woman offered her a nervous, or kind smile. Her father would constantly ask her about her preferences for updates.

And what unnerved her most of all, was the fact that they had been offering her physical affection (sure they were limited to pats, touches, or handholds, but it was odd enough) and constant “we love you”s. Something they used to only do in public setting to show that the family was on good terms with one another.

-not saying that they weren’t, because Sayo deemed that her being alive was enough proof that they were on good terms.

…such a scary thought, she now realizes.

Anyhow, it just so happened that even in private, her parents were now actively performing those aforementioned acts towards Sayo. Were they trying to build rapport with her? Trying to get on her good side? She had no complaints about their relationship in the past, so why did they have to try to change it up now?

And of course, the thing that bothered her the most… _feelings._

Suddenly, the “feelings” prompts in her mind were no longer just emptily flashed words of alert with instructions on how she should act. They now did all these odd reactions to her body, made her lose her control, put errors in her usual calculations.

She didn’t know whether she liked it or not.

There was something within her whispering that this was what she wanted. Because it made her real, or at least pretend to be…

But her practical mind told her it would only serve to continue to burden her. This, she truly believed.

If that were so, why couldn’t she have it removed? Whatever program in her that involved these dreaded feelings? Her parents had told her she could always express her desires when it came to her recent upgrading. She was told she could ask for anything. So why wouldn’t she ask for one simple removal? One that would solve all her current distress, and quite possibly benefit her by giving her the efficient life she wanted?

She didn’t know.

She didn’t know why she was trying to cling to fragments of a false reality, a world where she wasn’t what she was. A lie in which… she was a real girl.

She just didn’t know.

And to these thoughts, her world shut down.

-//-//-//-//-//-//-

It was the weekend; what most students considered their free time- time to waste, time to slack off. They simply had so much time, away from the usual school day. And simply having this much time was all the more reason for Roselia to spend it on practice instead.

Sayo arrived early. She always did. It was part of her internalized time-table. She had one for almost all occasions. For school, for weekends with student council work, and without. Today, her schedule consisted of waking up, preparing breakfast, washing up and getting dressed. Then she would eat, get on the seven-forty-five train, arrive at circle and ask for the reserved room, grab a sweetened coffee by the vending machine, down it in ten, and enter the practice area to tune her guitar and do warm-ups until everyone else arrived. Everything she did was performed on the dot, down to the very last second.

There were days where tiny deviations from her predicted happenings occurred, but nothing that would throw her off completely. They sometimes came in the form of any other member arriving earlier than her. In the case of Minato Yukina, she guessed it wouldn’t be all that odd. At the beginning, they would simply regard one another with a small nod before continuing onto their individual warm-ups. As Roselia’s relationship improved however, they often exchanged small talk, or opinions on the band and each other’s personal progress, seeking advice. If it were Ako who got there before Sayo, she would only pray that nothing was out of place, and that there were no soda spills on the carpets. She’d rather not have a repeat of one certain incident.

Rinko and Lisa were rarely the first people in the studio. Sayo dealt with is as it came. They would offer greetings and pleasantries, and focus on warm-ups, and that was it.

Or well, that was _then_.

It came little by little, but things were certainly different now. There were days when Sayo would come in just a few seconds before an Ako barreled right into her, apologizing, but not letting go without a quick hug around Sayo’s waist, and irresistible puppy eyes that almost always asked Sayo to pat her head before the younger girl would break out into a grin, satisfied, and ready to warm up. She really did remind Sayo of all the videos of dogs she’d watch out of some form of habit, possibly; filling up a personal database file all on their own.

Rinko, she-…

Well, she wasn’t _as_ scared of Sayo anymore. That could be noted as some sort of improvement. It wasn’t as if they never got along before, but work in the student council felt just a tad bit more relaxing, and quite enjoyable lately, if Sayo were to be honest. Rinko was like a breath of fresh air amongst everyone else’s eccentricities- including those other band girls outside their own.

Then… there was a pair that had suddenly been throwing her for a loop.

Minato Yukina and Imai Lisa. One so cold and aloof, avoided like a harsh winter day; and the other heated and sociable, passionate in dance and music like the summer… At least, that was how Sayo saw them at the beginning.

It came as sudden as all the other surprises in Sayo’s present life. Sayo spotted a silver songstress on her knees in a hidden corner of the park, leaning down towards a tiny kitten in what she saw was a shared eskimo kiss. She felt a stall between the beats of her heart. And it became a memory she’d never forget, sometimes replaying itself in her moments of slumber. Sayo realized that Yukina wasn’t just the snow, she was also the spring that came in turn right after.

The bassist, on the other hand, proved to also be the fall. A beauty to behold, making you forget the coldness it actually had. Lisa had days where she would doubt herself; days where her silence would issue warning sirens in Sayo’s poor confused system, prompting her to offer gauche comfort- the only kind she could manage in her uncertainty.

It didn’t help that the girl wore the scent of cinnamon and pumpkin spice pie, and all the sweet little guilty pleasures hardwired into Sayo’s poor mind (It was a weakness she would never admit to- she wondered if her parents added such a detail in the blueprint for personal amusement); and the fact that she’d casually offer an embrace that caused those fragrances to overwhelm the stiff guitarist was an additional trigger, along with a Yukina who smelled of vanilla and cookies- though the latter was probably just due to the crumbs from Lisa’s treats that the unexpectedly clumsy leader of Roselia got all over herself.

She often tried to ignore the way Lisa would cling to her and Yukina’s arms as they walked to or from the studio, or to a gig; she would try to ignore the warmth that suddenly spread from the point of contact between them to her entire body. She would also ignore the jitters and “flutters” she would feel when her eyes would meet Yukina’s mid-song, and the tiniest of smiles would play on the singer’s lips and- was that a _wink_ , Minato Yukina?!

It irked Sayo that almost everything she had gotten used to and inputted into her data bank of memories over the course of her seventeen- eighteen years of existence were slowly changing; herself and Hina, their parents, and now, even Roselia and the rest of their girls’ band peers. Heck- even the students at school had begun to greet Sayo as she monitored the halls (which was already quite the feat, as they usually screeched or shuffled their merry way out of hers), even when she wore her usual- as Lisa and Hina so fondly called- “resting bitch face”; stoic and devoid of emotion.

How could everything just be so confusing-

“ _..yo?_ Sayo! Sayo?”

Ah. This voice sounded plenty confused as well.

“Sayo, is something the matter?”

A hand on her shoulder, and another in a worried clasp around her bicep, pulling her to spin around, face-to-face with furrowed green eyes almost matching her own.

Had she been lost in thought?

“Imai…san.” Sayo regarded with a slow nod, each syllable carefully spoken.

A hand shot out to touch her forehead, accompanied by the concerned question of, “Are you sick?”.

_Well, good morning to you as well, Imai-san._

Despite the lack of proper greetings from everyone, the guitarist decided to simply answer the question before things went for worse. Sayo shook her head no, the action allowing her eyes to notice that the room was complete with all of Roselia’s members staring at her, perplexed at the bizarre, unusual Sayo they had just stumbled upon, guitar slung over her shoulders, but staring at a blank wall for who-knows-how-long before the rest arrived.

“Are you sure?” Lisa pressed, though that wasn’t the only thing she was pressing apparently, as one of Sayo’s hands was clasped between both of Lisa’s and was currently held against her fairly mature che-

“Sayo, I believe we’ve had a talk about this before, but if you are sick, one must not overexert themselves as this would trouble our band in the long run.”

“Yes, thank you, Minato-san.” _–‘for taking my mind away from somewhere I’d rather it not be in.’_. Sayo completed the sentence silently, hoping no one suddenly developed the powers of mindreading. “But still, I am fine and most certainly healthy.”

“You are most welcome.” Yukina gave in reply. “But I also don’t believe you all that much, Sayo. Not with your history of overwork.” Stepping in closer, the shorter girl took Sayo’s other hand in her own, giving it a squeeze. “So do tell us if you need a break today, and you shall have it.”

Oh, it had started again. Those thumps and irregular skips in Sayo’s pulse, the desire to run to the comfort room with her coolant for just a bit, the shaky breaths.

“I- I truly appreciate your kindness, but I am certainly fine and I would love to never burden you with something like a missing member due to negligence with my health.” Sayo once more tried to convince them of the truth. It was difficult.

“Really?” Gold and green interrogated, moving the slightest bit too close into Sayo’s personal space and mental safety barrier. Did they really not trust her to regulate and discipline herself with her health, much more after her first blunder?

The answer seemed to be yes.

Even Rinko’s tiny whispers of, “Hikawa-san” relayed her sincere worry for Sayo’s well-being, along with Ako’s less-than-subtle fidgeting. And while she was grateful for their sincerity, it felt a bit overbearing.

Sayo sighed for… some numbered time now. She’d done that a lot lately.

“Really.”

That seemed to have worked as everyone visibly relaxed, Ako and Rinko continuing on with their set-up and warm-ups. Sayo would have hoped that this would influence the other two in front of her to do the same; and they did. They did get to that…

But not without a gentle squeeze on her hands, a pat from Yukina, and a blown kiss from Lisa that only made it feel much hotter.

And why this was?

She still could not fathom.

And she hated that fact.

-//-//-//-

She would definitely have to apologize later.

Practice had gone nowhere. Sayo’s perfect, calculated playing, everything done with precision and a charm solely hers… it just wasn’t there. And all because of her damned updated mind that kept bringing up two pairs of warm hands, and faces that seemed to be glowing in her eyes. Then there was the matter of Lisa’s… upper… half…

“We stop here for today.” Yukina’s usual stoic voice commanded, though Sayo could hear the frustration oozing out. She clearly was not pleased, and that was all because of Sayo’s lackluster performance.

Everyone nodded in reluctant agreement, each moving to fix up their instruments, securing them in their cases.

As they were ready to leave, lights turned off and door open in wait for the guitarist to be the last member to step out, Sayo spoke, stopping under the shadow of the darkened room in a bow. “I apologize. I’ll do better next time. Today’s subpar performance was clearly due to my lack of concentration and I shall do my utmost in correcting my-“

“Sayo.”

Said girl looked up from her perfectly ninety-degree bow.

“It’s okay.”

Scanning each of her bandmates’ faces, their expressions all responded with the same thing.

 _It’s okay_.

“Really, Sayo-san, you should tell us if you feel a little sick! You work so hard, taking a break shouldn’t be a problem for you!” Ako laughed, but it had this little nervous color to it that expressed her care for Sayo.

“Ako…chan… is right. Hikawa-san… you already… play so well. You’d never…fall behind even if… you missed one session.” Rinko gave one of her most comforting smiles, and Sayo felt the desire to smile back. And she did.

“Even if I held you all back?” Sayo asked.

“What nonsense. A member of Roselia would do no such thing!” Yukina stated with conviction. “And in the impossible case that you did,” She grabbed Sayo, pulling her out of the dark room, and into the light, in the bright hallway with everyone else. “-then we’d pull you right along. We’d do that for each other, for any comrade.”

“She’s right. We’d do it in a heartbeat.” Lisa latched on to her arm, resting her head slightly on Sayo’s shoulder, almost nuzzling the spot, which would have been bad for Sayo’s processors. “I’m sure we all feel that way.” The brunette added good-naturedly. But those words held a not-too-pleasant weight for Sayo.

‘ _We_ **all** _**feel** that way.’_

_All._

_Feel._

“Right. Of course.” Sayo nodded, covering up the sudden shakiness in her legs by taking a firm step forward, still attached to the two same-year best friends.

Like wild horses being held back that suddenly broke their fence, her thoughts ran. Roselia trusted her. As a teammate, a bandmate, a comrade… a friend. So how was she to tell them she wasn’t like _all_ of them. That she didn’t know how to feel? How was she to explain that their warm, heartfelt sentiments were things she could not return genuinely?

How could she explain that the so-called emotions she portrayed were automatic, programmed responses? How could she possibly tell them that even she did not know her own sincerity towards the band, how she no longer knew if what she was doing was out of necessity and a must for self-preservation- a “professional” type of relationship; or if it was because she harbored what they had in their own souls. A love for other people.

No. It couldn’t be that.

She knew what it was. But that was textbook knowledge. She could never apply that to her own understanding and utilization.

She wasn’t meant to be able to do that. It wasn’t in her manual. Feelings never were. No matter how many years had passed. She’d never get to understand it.

Humans smile because they are happy. They cry when they are sad, they get angry because of unpleasant things. These little facts were what she was introduced to as the basis for telling emotions.

But then Hina smiled even though Sayo hurt her; Lisa cried when they got her flowers she loved for her birthday, and celebrated with her. Yukina got angry when another presumptuous producer offered to take them to a world stage.

It didn’t make any sense. Their reactions brought about by feelings were nothing like the manual. They were nothing so simple. They were so complex.

Too complex for a non-genius… nonhuman, non-girl like Sayo to understand.

But how could she say that to people who trusted her? That she wanted to offer a genuine trust in return to, but couldn’t possibly do so.

Again, she was far too deep inside the caves of her mind, peripheral sensors crippled to the world causing her to misstep, lunging forward for a faceplant-

…that never came.

Two bright smiles, warm eyes, and soulful emotions.

They teased and taunted, made Sayo heat up, heart threatening to explode at the sheer speed it pumped, but the notions also enough reason for her blood to run cold with unjustified envy- one that should not be able to exist within the teal-haired girl either. Because why should they be able to feel the way they do and bask in the enlightenment feelings brought. Why couldn’t Sayo? But then again, why did she care when it shouldn’t have mattered to her in the first place?

Confusing. Vexing. Frustrating.

And as Yukina held one of her hands, and Lisa clung to the other just as they did hours earlier, Sayo only felt more disdain for the concept she labelled as “feelings”. They made her bitter deep down, not because of their good intent, but that she knew not what these meant. They just weren’t for her. Feelings would never be hers to attain, they would never let Sayo own them; understanding of them constantly slipping from her grasp.

So she ended up hating them. Hating having feelings. Hating feelings.

Feelings that could never be felt by Sayo’s cold Mechanical heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And that’s a… wrap?? I honestly… was stuck. I guess I’d rather treat this as chap 1 and the other as the prologue haha. My brain is so dried out tbh. Um… reactions? Comments?
> 
> ~Shintori Khazumi


	3. Holiday Blueprints- er Misprints?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bandgirls are having a new year's celebration and each band has to prepare a little something to pitch in. Prepping hosts some accidents, and Sayo gets some loving. Happy New Year!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello!!! Took too long to update as I always do, it seems. I’m sorry about that. Just had really bad writer’s block lately. Unexpectedly did some SayoLisa things while I was gone. I baked a crap ton of cookies lately, around 100 pieces to give to neighbors for the holidays. I even ended baking while waiting for the new year haha. Also bought a new guitar since I left my old one back at my uni when I came home during the COVID lockdown back in May due to travel difficulties, and I was starting to really want to play. My fingers hurt like hell yesterday and the day before coz I might have overdone it after not touching a guitar for nearly 7 months. Anyways, Happy Holidays everyone, and Happy New Year!
> 
> Enjoy?
> 
> ~Shintori Khazumi

**A Real Girl Chapter 3: Holiday Blueprints- er Misprints?**

You’d think that being something of a… _robot_ (Sayo wasn’t sure if that was what she was, but she supposed you could call her that) would make her quite efficient with measurements and weights, and allow her to smoothly function in fields requiring such processes. However, as she leaned in impossibly close to her liquid measuring cup, pouring at a drop-per-hour to ensure she had the _exact_ amount she needed, well… that pretty much denounced that assumption.

At least she could accredit some of her stiffness to Imai Lisa who currently had taken seat on a high stool across from where Sayo was, both elbows rooted on the small kitchen island of her home, head nestled in her hands as she stared at Sayo with an amused grin, the usual playful twinkle in her eyes. When given such undivided attention, wouldn’t you want to hide from the pressure of such a gaze? Thus, Sayo thought it would be best to avoid Lisa’s eyes altogether, and pour all her focus on the melted butter she was pouring into a bowl at an incredibly painful rate, hoping it would bore Lisa and make the girl do something besides burning Sayo with her gaze.

It didn’t work.

She shifted her gaze to Yukina, hopeful to find any semblance of help, but Yukina was just as much of a pain as Lisa was being, sprawled across the couch, flat on her belly, with her eyes pointed to Sayo in an unwavering stare.

She internally sighed as she returned to accomplishing her current task, moving on to another step, doing her best to ignore Lisa and Yukina in a casual manner while not seeming too cold, and give the wrong impression that she disliked them. Fun fact: She did not. If anything, she might like those two a little _too_ much. So, now she just had to express just that. How she’d accomplish it? She didn’t know. She just hoped she could.

Mixing in the final needed ingredient which was a mix of chocolate chips and shards, Sayo smiled in satisfaction, sneaking a bite of one of the chocolate pieces, the action not escaping Roselia’s bassist as the string members’ eyes met, Lisa giving Sayo a shit-eating grin that just screamed, ‘gotya’.

Sayo simply rolled her eyes at that, thankful that Yukina was no longer paying attention to their wordless little exchanges; but she still felt that now familiar warmth in her cheeks as she turned away, choosing to search for an icecream scoop for her dough, instead of silently battling out of her embarrassment with Lisa. Upon finding the utensil, she began lining her balls of goodness along a baking sheet with parchment paper, making sure they had enough space between them to not touch as they baked.

She nodded in approval as she finished two trays worth, popping them in the cleared space in Lisa’s fridge to let them cool and develop their flavor.

“Nice work, Sayo~” The homeowner hummed, beckoning the said girl closer by opening her arms wide. Sayo was still getting used to it, but Roselia had very obviously increased their skinship acts as of late; hugs, cuddles, and handholds being thrown around far more than they used to.

And then there was the occasional kiss to the forehead or cheek, usually just between the other four, as Sayo still felt uncomfortable with that particular act. The few times she had received it from someone other than Hina was during a particularly fruitful tutoring session with Ako where the small girl was overjoyed as she shoved her recent report card in Sayo’s face, jumping up and down in excitement, before lunging over and planting a small kiss on her cheek.

It surely shocked them both, but they eventually got past it and continued on like normal. The other time was with Poppin Party’s Toyama Kasumi. That wasn’t as unexpected as most would think as the girl had probably hugged and kissed more than half of the school’s populace. It was only a matter of time before she got to Sayo.

And thus, these little gestures were something Sayo was (very, _very_ ) slowly getting used to. Sure, she would usually state if she did not want to…participate… in such activities; but more often than not, she did not necessarily _oppose_ the idea, however it never ceased to be embarrassing for someone like her. It was a matter of tolerance? Resilience? Possibly with how Sayo struggled to keep a normal temperature each time.

Her parents had to issue her a stronger coolant with how often she’d been overheating. She was surprised they seemed prepared for this development, overhearing her father mutter a _, “I expected the heat flushes with how we planned it out, but I didn’t expect it to be this bad. Well, whatever!”_. Sayo admitted the fact that this bodily reaction was an intentional installment made her feel annoyed.

Walking around from the opposite side of the island, Sayo reached Lisa, halting just in front of her, hesitant for a moment’s worth before allowing herself to indulge in Lisa’s motherly spoiling. Immediately, after stepping into the space of those arms, she was engulfed in a tender warmth, arms squeezing just the right pressure of tight, yet not overbearing.

Sayo leant down to rest her forehead on Lisa’s shoulder, that cinnamon powder scent calming her in a way she could not describe. A hand made its way into teal locks, twirling and playing with the ends of her hair before travelling upwards to massage her scalp. It made her sigh in relaxation.

If there were things she loved about her body system that she’d never admit, one of those things would be the nature of her senses. She wondered if this was what it actually felt like for real people. This heart-fluttering, yet calming sensation. Pleasant. Feelings… that made you want to smile and, entrust and rest your heart in the palm of someone you loved.

Sayo wondered how Lisa felt about all of this. Was she simply doing it out of habit as she coddled all the other members, and even some of her friends? Did it also make her feel this sense of… what Sayo detected in herself… so-called happiness? Did it please her when Sayo allowed her this opportunity to be so close to her? Or was Sayo the only one fretting about all of this? Worried whether or not she was stepping over lines, or hurting someone every other moment, or offending the people she cared about if she chose to do or not to do certain things that were supposedly of ‘normal’ nature.

Before Lisa could consume her every thought, a weight pressed against her back, slim arms wrapping themselves round about her waist just below the brunette’s other arm.

“M-Minato-san?!” Sayo let out a high-pitched squeak she didn’t know she was capable of producing.

There was no reply, she only felt what she would assume was Yukina nuzzling her head against Sayo’s back. If Lisa’s affectionate hugs weren’t enough, Sayo did not quite know how she would deal with this. Her tenseness must have been apparent as Lisa whispered to her,

“Relax Sayo. Take a break. It’s okay to not do anything sometimes.”

She didn’t know how to respond to that, so she simply nodded, very conscious of the way she was sandwiched between her two bandmates, simply standing there. Doing no particular thing.

The lack of tasks unnerved Sayo the tiniest bit as she was used to always being productive no matter the hour- though maybe not as flustering as her hugging situation with Lisa and Yukina- but in the end, even she could not argue against the peace she felt when they all just stayed there, enjoying one another’s presence.

But it would have been a little more relaxing if Yukina and Lisa were not so busy killing her with their intense friendship and care. Sayo didn’t think her heart could take this much physical affection. She was surprised _Yukina_ , of all people, was able to freely express it. Probably Lisa’s influence. And maybe Sayo was jealous of that ability to convey their thoughts and emotions with such liberty.

They remained that way, silent, otherwise unmoving with the exception of Lisa’s expert hands massaging the calm into Sayo’s body. Everything felt so surreal. She felt as though she wouldn’t mind drifting off in their embrace-

A jolt ran through her spine as she felt a ghost of a kiss pressed against her temple. And just as light, a touch of fingers gliding across her abdomen, causing her breath to hitch. ‘ _What were those?!’_ Her eyes shot open, she didn’t know when they had shut, but now they were flicking about, the only thing she was able to see at the moment were brunette curls and smooth skin. She wanted to argue with herself whether or not what had just transpired was actually real, or just a figment of her imagination, but before she could do so a resounding ding of a kitchen timer cut through her brooding.

“I-I’ll… I shall… go. Get that… thing.” Sayo volunteered as a way to escape her mental tormentors. She awkwardly pulled away from the pair; Yukina more willing to allow her exit as she returned to her initial spot on the couch, but Lisa less so, the girl giving her a small pout before relenting, releasing the guitarist from her hold. Sayo would be lying if she said she didn’t suddenly miss the feeling of _them_ and their gentleness wrapped around her.

But this was no time to think about that.

It was time to check on their cake in the oven!

Clumsily staggering around the marbled center of the kitchen, thoughts still swirling, Sayo stood in front of the hot oven, crouching down to check on the cake currently baking inside through the glass. It looked pretty ready. She guessed she could take it out. In her mind’s jumbled and rushed moments, she forgot to don her oven mitts, opening the stove with little care.

And at the moment she reached into the hot chamber, Roselia’s drummer suddenly came bursting through the front door with one of her chuuni war cries, surprising everyone including Sayo, causing one of her hands to hit the roof of the stove from the inside, and unconsciously holding it there for longer than she should have. It took a moment for her to register what had just occurred, but the sensation that she had come to know as pain- courtesy of her indicators- sunk in, her eyes opening wide in shock and she automatically voiced a yelp louder than she would have liked.

This immediately drew the attention of everyone in the room to her. With Sayo cradling a mitt-less hand close to her body, the fact that she had been checking on the cake, the smell that wafted in the air, and Ako’s prior yelling; Lisa pieced it together all too quickly.

“Sayo! Did you burn your hand?!”

With worry spreading amongst the group, Yukina got up from her place on the couch, walking towards the teal-haired girl who currently sported a look the mix of panic and fear.

“Ako! You shouldn’t have come in so roughly!” Rinko scolds, everyone momentarily thrown off by the smoothness of her speech and the absence of honorifics, probably due to her lack of shyness in her state of concern for Sayo. It kind of touched her heart, if she were completely honest.

But now wasn’t the time for that. She hadn’t meant to alert them, she needed to hide it before it was too late-

“Sayo, give me your hand.”

“I-I’m quite alright, Imai-san.” She stuttered out, retreating a step, back hitting the counter’s sink behind her. Her eyes widened a fraction more.

“No, No you’re not. I know it for a fact.” Lisa replied determinedly, reaching for the hand that Sayo stubbornly kept away.

“I really am-“

“Sayo, hurry, I know how much those burns can hurt and we need to run it under some cool water as fast as we can.”

“B-But-!”

It wasn’t as though Sayo feared getting wet. Her skin was waterproof after all. What _wasn’t_ were some parts underneath it. The wires that functioned as her “veins” and nervous system. And even if her skin was made to withstand certain temperatures, it also needed to be as close to real skin as possible to not give herself away.

If the burn from the oven was enough to melt away those layers and expose part of her inner workings, she wouldn’t know how to explain it. Much more if she short-circuited in the event that there was indeed an opening and it was suddenly exposed to water.

She didn’t have the luxury of time to decide. Lisa caught her hand while she was weighing her options and quickly shoved it under running water.

It was cold. The pain temporarily waned, but most importantly for Sayo, the lack of forceful shut down helped her realize that she would be alright for now, seeing her hand was just a searing red with no openings whatsoever.

She sighed in relief.

“Thank goodness it wasn’t that bad” Lisa murmured, shutting the water and bringing Sayo’s hand up closer to inspect it. After a few moments of looking it over, she gave Yukina and an extremely down-hearted and apologetic Ako some instructions to retrieve the first aid kit down the hall, by the bathroom, while Rinko was tasked with doing the actual bandaging while Lisa took over the kitchen. Once Sayo was seated safely on the couch, as the cake was on the table, Lisa gave her head a single firm pat. “Alright, no more baking for you.”

“!!!” Sayo tried to protest. “But I want to help-“

“You’ve helped out enough.” Lisa cut her off firmly, arms crossed over her torso, a stern look in her eyes. “Let us take care of it.”

“But-“

“I’d prefer you sit on yours.” Lisa cleverly quipped, ending that particular conversation.

Sayo sighed in defeat, turning to watch Rinko as she expertly and neatly wrapped her hand in a bandage after having applied an ointment that would help with the pain and discomfort. Just as the girl looked up to check with Sayo if the job she did was alright, the teal-haired guitarist smiled at her. “Many thanks, as usual, Shirokane-san. You always help me out.”

Rinko mumbled out a long, strung-out, incomprehensible reply, face red as a tomato, but Sayo managed to make out a, ‘You’re welcome, Hikawa-san’, and that was enough assurance for her.

Shifting her gaze once more, she was met with Lisa’s head on, fiery gaze. And should Sayo dare say… jealous?

“How come I didn’t get any heart-felt thanks… I’m the one who-…” As the bassist continued to grumble in her corner of the kitchen, Sayo got up, strange bulk of confidence directing her actions as she stood in front of the sulking girl, looking down those few inches she had over Lisa.

“Eh? Sayo-“

Before she could say anything else, the guitarist had wrapped her arms around Lisa’s shoulders, the latter’s arms automatically finding purchase around taller girl’s waist.

“Thank you… _Lisa_.” She spoke in a near-whisper, though heard by everyone in the room due to how quiet they all were, mute from the surprise at Sayo’s assertiveness. Also the fact she called Lisa by her given name without honorifics.

That had certainly brought everyone’s thoughts to a screeching halt for a few seconds, trying to grasp the situation and its authenticity.

“I- eh- uh… y-yes? O-of course! Of course, Sayo-“ While Lisa was busy being a blubbering mess, Yukina had walked up to them and tugged on the hem of Sayo’s shirt. Arms still wrapped around Lisa, Sayo turned her head to the side to offer an inquisitive look.

“Minato-san?”

“…I must receive your hugs of gratitude as well.”

“…huh?”

“RinRin wants some too, Sayo-san!!! A-and… and if it’s okay, Ako would like a hug as well…” The youngest exclaimed.

Well, this cooking session certainly turning out to be what Sayo first expected it to be.

//-//-//-//-//

One might be wondering why Sayo, and Lisa- and supposedly all Roselia- were busy preparing cakes and cookies.

Well, when you place people with crazy ideas such as Kasumi in a room with an equally crazily enthusiastic Kokoro with the power to make those ideas a reality, you had… something quite amazing. The two had pouted up a storm when the band friend-group had to have separate Christmases with their respective families, and some with their own bands.

They had desired a ‘boppin’ party, as Hina put it (said sister of hers also being one of the perpetrators) after their joint holiday live, but the idea was immediately shot down. So, in order to appease these children, they all had agreed to free up the new year’s and have a party-slash-sleepover.

It was collectively agreed upon that they would not allow Kokoro to spoil them with everything, and they had divided the food tasks for the new year’s dinner. Roselia had been assigned the aforementioned cookies and a large strawberry cake. To make up for not getting to spend Christmas and eat the classic food together, as Kasumi claimed. In charge of desserts alongside them was Afterglow. Afterglow had made plans to do their prepping at Tsugumi’s café and they had chosen to make cupcakes, tarts, and some homemade icecream.

Popipa decided to pay a visit to Saaya’s bakery and have her dad prepare them some fresh pizza. Pasupare were assigned with drinks, and other little finger foods and snacks that were easier to acquire as they still had a few scheduled events up until the last minute. Raise A Suilen was chosen to buy the chicken. Chuchu wanted a turkey for unknown reasons, so they’d have that too. Pareo would most likely be the one behind all their prep, anyway.

Aside from food assignments, each band was tasked to come up with a party game; two to three members would then lead out the activity and the rest could participate.

These were the things they each had to prepare.

And prepare Roselia did.

“Ready to leave, everyone?” Yukina’s cool voice questioned, door held open for the others to walk through. Everyone was bundled up in their respective coats and scarves.

“Yes… Minato-san.”

“As one of the descendants of the five great dragon Lord-“

“Are you ready, Ako?”

“Yes. I’m born ready!” Ako giggled, running out the rest of the way, arms spread out in a T.

“Ako, be careful of slipping!” Lisa called from behind, and as if fate wanted to play a little trick, Ako slipped right then and there. Luckily, she hadn’t fallen over, and simply laughed, everyone else sighing in relief. “Geez, Ako…”

“I’m okay!”

Then… there was the last person. Sayo stood up from the step by the doorway after wearing her boots, looking around the area and her person to ensure she hadn’t forgotten anything. Once she was satisfied that she was all ready to go, guitar slung over her shoulder, she grabbed the fairly large cake box in her good hand, and then a smaller box of cookies, similar to what Rinko was carrying, in her bandaged hand.

As she exited, Yukina turned to lock the door, double-checking it a few times to confirm that it was indeed closed properly.

And then everyone began to walk to the station to get to Circle for their party. They had rented out the basement so that they would all fit and have a sizeable amount of space to move around.

Just as they exited the gate to Lisa’s house in single file, Sayo was slightly startled by a cool hand prying the cake away from her. The bassist gave her a small smile before replacing Sayo’s now empty hand with her own, squeezing gently. Right after that, the box of Cookies was taken away by Yukina, and the songstress had slipped her smaller hand into the tealettes’s other hand, intertwining their fingers.

Sayo knew with certainty that her face was dyed hot red despite the cold of the evening that was beginning to settle.

“So that your hands stay warm.” Lisa winked.

“Right… of course.” Sayo craned her neck forward, stiffly, fixing her eyes forward on the road. “Thank you.”

…and maybe it was a good thing they held her hands since she did a tiny slip on the road just moments after.

//-//-//-//-//

“Why… did the groupings end up like this?” Sayo muttered.

“Sorry, Sayo.” Lisa clapped her hands in front of her. “Since Ako’s nose started bleeding with how high her tension was, Rinko decided to sit this one out and look after her so that Tomoe could participate. And Yukina and I are the game masters, so every team was going to have about seven members each. And since Roselia was mostly out of the game, we decided to randomly draw lots for the teams…”

“Yeeeeyyyy~ We’re the guitar team!!” Kasumi cheered excitedly, cutting Lisa’s explanation short. “Isn’t that cool, Sayo-senpai?”

“Y-yes, sure.”

“Waaaahhh~ Moca sure is impressed by this coincidence.” As usual, the slothful member of afterglow drawled, casually slipping her arm around Sayo’s waist. “Though I guess it’s not so bad at all if Sayo-san’s here.”

“Eh…” Sayo was starting to think everyone was getting too comfortable around her, skinship and first-name basis and all those little things. Though she supposed some of those factors were old news for some people, and new for others. She was still slightly conflicted about it, though. She had never really allowed people so close to her space, but… she knew her reality was changing by the day.

And she didn’t necessarily hate it.

“If this group has two guitarists from Poppin Party…” Tae hummed in contemplation. “Then we have two times the Popipa energy?! Woaaahhh~”

“That’s right, Tae-chan! Double PopiPower!”

“I’d prefer we only have the minimal amount of that power.” Sayo grumbled to herself.

“On the same team as Popipa, on the same team as Popipa, ON THE SAME TEAM AS POPIPA… **POPIPA**!!!”

“Rokka-chan!” Kasumi and Tae screamed with as much enthusiasm in response to Rokka’s warcry of fangirling.

“Does that make it three times the PopiPower?” Moca asked Sayo, pointing at the trio, raising their arms up and down in some kind of cult ritual.

“Please don’t ask me that…”

“Ahh~ To be graced by the presence of a Rose, and all the other beautiful flowers in the garden, how blessed I am by my little kittens. _Hakanai~!!_ ”

“Kaoru-samaaaa!!!”

“This one is giving me a headache as well.”

“Oh, come on Onee-chan~ Don’t be all ‘Mugyuuuu’.” Hina poked at her side. “Aren’t you feelin’ boppin’ now that we’re on the same team?” She grinned, hugging Sayo from that same side, opposite of Moca.

Sayo looked at her sister’s hopeful eyes, their pressure from the pureness strong. She was rendered unable to deny those shiny greens. Heaving a sigh, she replaced her apprehensive expression with a gentle smile, deciding to be honest with her thoughts about her sister more often outside of their home.

“I suppose… I am a bit happy to be playing on the same team as you, Hina.” She replied, placing a hand atop the shorter girl’s head and giving the short teal hair a gentle ruffle.

There was a collective pause amongst the friend group as they saw this rare tender moment between the twins, hearts clenching at its wholesomeness. Luckily, Sayo hadn’t noticed, thus it didn’t become an awkward issue for her and the topic moved on.

Hina squealed in delight, tightening her hug around Sayo, clearly over the moon. “Onee-chan, I love you! You’re the best!”

“I’m- okay…”

“Eeeehhhhhh~, no fair! I want a hug from Sayo-senpai too!”

Sayo sure was giving a lot of hugs today it seemed.

“Me too!” Tae followed after her leader, joining in the stuffy group hug with Roselia’s guitarist at its core.

“Rare chance!” Rokka realized, diving into the opportunity.

“I wouldn’t mind giving my little kittens some loving-“

“I’d rather you not. Please just… do it normally.”

“…yes.”

As this scene between the guitarists of the bands unfolded, everyone else was just left to watch, unsure of what to do as Sayo was squished in the middle of this human hug pile.

“Oi.”

Well at least Ran might do something.

“I’m a guitarist too. Why aren’t I with you all?”

Maybe Sayo’s assumptions could be wrong more times than she thought.

“That’s because Ran is always left out~” Moca teased with an impish grin.

“You little sh-“

“Language!!” Tomoe hit the top of Ran’s head, and the two both started their bickering, Himari panicking, unable to stop them, and Tsugumi ending up mediating.

“Umm guys… can we start the multi-legged race now?” Lisa sighed at everyone’s antics, feeling like they weren’t going to get to the game any time soon.

“Don’t worry, Lisa.” Yukina placed a hand on her best friend’s shoulder. Lisa felt happy at the comfort, wondering what advice the white-haired vocalist would give in this situation. “This is also _rock._ ”

Of course. This was also Yukina. What was she expecting?

//-//-//-//-//

The girls were able to get to the games… eventually. Surprisingly enough, despite their differences and eccentricities, the guitarist team- minus Ran- was able to stage quite the victory. Not only did they have crazily unrivaled coordination during the leg race, in the next game where each person playing was blindfolded and separated from their teams to try to reassemble via making a sound specific to their team to find each other… well Kasumi was like some kind of beacon or control tower, loudly screeching out what she told everyone was the guitar sound.

Yeah, no.

They won anyway, so… it was fine?

You’d expect the teams to shuffle for team games, considering each band had to prepare a game and have different game masters. And Sayo had been waiting for that moment. But her group never changed. None of them were chosen to be in charge of the games, and well… maybe she shouldn’t be surprised at that. She should probably be more relieved, actually. Things might just get out of hand if entrusted to these children.

So she waited for games with fewer people, or individual player games.

…but apparently all of the bands had decided on group games that would work better with bigger groups. Therefore, Sayo was stuck all night with the ragtag gang brimming with ‘PopiPower’.

Well, everyone seemed happy, so it wasn’t so bad. Sayo would think this with a secret smile as she watched over all her friends.

And as they gathered on the roof of the small building to finish off their little party by watching the fireworks that signified the start of the new year, Sayo found herself blessed to be surrounded by these girls, quirks and all.

And as Tsugumi, along with Tomoe and Pasupare tried to prevent Hina from falling off the edge, Sayo couldn’t help but think,

_‘They’re crazy, but thank God for this crazy bunch.’_

//-//-//-//-//

After everyone had finished cleaning and locking up Circle’s basement, they were picked up by Kokoro’s long-ass limo, everyone fitting comfortably inside. Even Chuchu was impressed, and that spoke volumes.

Upon arriving at her mansion, the suits escorted everyone with their sleepover bags to a large room with beanbags, blankets, pillows, strewn about; and futons neatly lined side by side.

“I call center spot!” Hagumi declared, rushing and jumping into the soft cushion.

“Then I wanna be next to you!” Kokoro imitated the motions, landing beside her ginger-headed friend. “Happy~!”

“Kokoro, Hagumi, you need to get washed up and changed first.” Misaki chided, walking over to where they were to usher them to the baths.

“Aww, okay.” The pair beamed, before Kokoro turned to everyone. “Let’s all get in together!”

“Hoo boy, that’s gonna be a whole ‘nother mess.” Arisa complained, rallying up her pair of idiots, along with Saaya and Rimi. “I just wanna get to bed. My back is starting to kill me.”

“There you go with your granny talk again, Arisa~”

“Shut up, Kasumi! Whose fault do you think that is?!”

Following the first two bands out were Afterglow and RAS, more civil and calmer in their exit, and Sayo was grateful for that.

“Shall we?” Yukina invited.

Roselia nodded their heads, grabbing their things and heading out.

//-//-//-//-//

Bathing time was rather uneventful, and many of the more level-headed members of the grouped offered their prayers of sincere gratitude that they were able to catch a break and relax in the Tsurumaki’s onsen-level baths.

After that, everyone shuffled sleepily to the bedroom, energy suddenly sapped out from each one of them. Kasumi yawned a contagious one, spreading to O-Tae, then to Rimi, then to the three grand fools of HaroHapi, then to Himari, Ako, and eventually it made its way through all the girls.

… except Sayo.

She looked around, at first finding it adorable how everyone was similar in this aspect having read about it before that yawning was quite contagious.

Then she realized that… she wasn’t like everyone.

She must have stalled in her walk, as Chisato seemed to notice, turning back to her curiously. “Sayo-chan? Are you alright?” The actress asked in concern, separating from her group and approaching the frozen guitarist. “You look… distressed.”

This caught everyone else’s attention.

“Eh? Sayo-san is?” Ako came bounding back towards her, taking her hands carefully in her own. “Sayo-san are you oka- ah! Your hands!” She seemed to realize as she held them. “Is your hand okay now?”

“Did something happen to Hikawa-senpai’s hand?”

“Ah~” Lisa followed Ako soon after. “She accidentally touched the stove earlier and got a slight burn on her hand.”

“Eh? We didn’t notice.”

“Huh? But she had a bandage the whole ti-“ Lisa’s eyes narrowed, staring Sayo down accusingly. “Did you remove it at the party?”

With how she avoided the brunette’s gaze, everyone knew that hit the mark.

“Sayo!!!”

“It is not such a big deal, Imai-san. I felt fine, so I deemed it unnecessary to worry everyone else on such a joyous occasion.”

“Sayo, that’s not the point!”

“Hikawa… san.” Even Rinko frowned disapprovingly, and one by one, Sayo saw the sleepiness in everyone’s eyes replaced by concern.

She hated being the cause of it.

Bowing down in her perfect apology stance, she felt a churning in her stomach, along with her eyes stinging. They were body reactions she was not familiar with. Her mind said it was something like sadness and distress, but the data was mixing and meshing, and fighting. And once again she was confounded by the dreaded _feelings_. It made her all the more upset.

“Hikawa-senpai.” It was Misaki’s voice. Clear and breaking through the daunting darkness of her thoughts. “No one is mad at you, or blaming you. Okay?”

Sayo’s head shot up, those words clearing her mind as she met those concerned gazes once more, but there was less of that painful stir in her chest. A warmth was slowly overtaking the hurt, and she felt a flush of cooling run through her system.

“?!”

“Senpai?! Are you about to cry?!” Saaya’s question caused a bit of panic, everyone not knowing what to do when one of the steeliest personalities suddenly appeared to be on the brink of tears.

In a flash, before anyone else could react, bright colors filled Sayo’s vision, and she found herself in a situation she was now very accustomed to. A hug.

“When I feel sad, lonely, or when I’m crying, hugging always makes me feel better.” Hagumi murmured. “I want senpai to feel better too.” Sayo felt the movement of Kokoro’s head, assuming the girl was nodding her agreement.

It was warm. Everything, everywhere, it was just so warm. It wasn’t a scalding heat, it wasn’t the biting cold.

For the first time, she might have understood.

Sayo felt… loved.

Returning the hug towards the younger girls, Sayo felt a pleasant kind of prick in her heart as they beamed up at her.

“Ako-chan was right.”

“Mm-hmm! You really are a super comfy big sister!”

“No fair that Yukina-san and Lisa-san keep you all to themselves!” The two mentioned people tried to hide their blushes, but some of their sharper friends had picked up on it, curious at the reaction.

“Righttt?” Hina butted in. “Even though she’s supposed to be _my_ Onee-chan!”

Sayo sputtered out a ‘what are you saying’, flustered all over again as the two released her, Rinko and Chisato taking their place, the former taking Sayo by her good wrist as they sat her down on a random bench in the mansion’s long halls, having acquired a kit from the suits. The rest were ushered into the room to get ready for bed and not overwhelm Sayo.

After treating her hand, the trio made their way into the room, finding everyone positioned and ready for bed, but still awake, attention at the door.

“Sayo.” Yukina called, patting a futon between her and Hina who was next to Lisa. The girl got the message, bowing her thanks to Rinko and Chisato who accepted with their usual grace.

As she made her way there, she noticed that she was at the center of all the laid-out beds, and this made her blush.

Kasumi seemed to pick up on it. “It’s the Sayo Protection Squad formation!” She chirped at the increasingly embarrassed guitarist.

“The… what-why?”

“Mou~ Enough questions!” Hina and Lisa pulled her down to bed, the younger Hikawa twin immediately locking the elder in place with her body.

“H-Hina… I can’t… I can’t move.”

“That’s the point dummy.”

Sayo relented eventually with a sigh, easing Hina’s body-lock into a cuddling position instead, something they were accustomed to at home, at least. Her younger sister was almost on top of her, but she hardly minded the weight.

From her peripheral vision, she noticed everyone moving their futons closer to hers, Lisa moving over to Hina’s as the twins were already practically sharing. As everyone wished their good nights and Happy New Year’s shutting off the lights, Sayo felt Yukina take her uninjured hand, cradling it close, while Lisa held the other, kissing over the bandage.

“Good night, Sayo. Happy New Year.”

_Good night._

_And a Happy New Year… everyone._

**_Thank you._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: D’awww, Sayo is well loved. I’m glad. Please leave some kudos, comments, reblogs if you’re on tumblr! Thank you for the support for this story! See you next chapter, and Happy new year!
> 
> ~Shintori Khazumi

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So I just had this idea that would not leave my head, and I just thought it would fit someone like Sayo so I decided to give it a try. I don’t know if I was able to write it out any good, but I do hope you all stick around to see how this will go. I hope you enjoyed. I’m not the most confident when it comes to my writing so…
> 
> Ciao.
> 
> ~Shintori Khazumi


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